Brought to you by the Tshukudu Movie Club

You probably know that we have a movie club. We call it Tshukudu Movie Club, because our house can be found if one takes the second exit of the Tshukudu Roundabout, and turns right at the petrol station. We don't bother much with street names in Eastern DRC.

So every Tuesday, members of the Tshukudu Movie Club get together in my living room (depending on the chosen movie and everybody's individual leave situation, we may be 3 or 15), and watch the week's selection.. We have very serious rules, established categories and real voting in the facebook group.

Although they don't form a separate category, we managed to watch a few African-themed movies in the past months. My recommendations are below.

• Out of Africa. A classic. I've seen it much before I'd even thought about coming to Congo, and I remember how I was touched by the bittersweet love story, and the bittersweet Robert Redford. I admired, although didn't understand, the baroness, who grew up in Denmark, and one day she decided that for her freedom is to... have a farm in Africa. Watching it now, from Goma, what strikes me most is how it shows that little it shows from the unprepared, often insultingly ignorant point of view of a European traveller. In any case, it helps us remember just how much of a stranger we really are here. And Kenya is so stunningly beautiful. So is Robert Redford.

• God Loves Uganda: Upsetting documentary about a group of American missionaries, exporting their values and particularly their religious beliefs to Uganda, not considering for a split second just how strangers they will be there. The movie is disturbing, and not only because it was shot in a country where homosexuality is against the law, but also because it cruelly shows what immense energies blind faith can move, and put in the use of goals the outsider can't understand.

• Virunga: Probably my favourite of the five, an engaging documentary about the Virunga National Park, the endangered mountain gorillas living there, and the rangers who work in the park and protect it – and sometimes die for it. There are many armed groups operating in and around the area; the network of their interests and alliances are quite hard to understand. The region is extremely rich in natural resources, therefore it's not unusual for some big oil (or other) company of the developed world to come around trying to make use of the utterly complicated and absolutely not transparent, or simply non-existing public administation, and of the vulnerability of the park. The movie gives an overview of this complex, sometimes hopeless struggle, shows a glimpse of the life of the gorillas and the rangers (and they would deserve a movie of their own!), and you get to see Goma!

• Lumumba: for advanced users only. It shows the short political career of Patrice Lumumba, the first prime minister of the Democratic Republic of Congo, and with that, the last days of the colonial Congo. It doesn't hide the opinion (fact?) that the political powers of the time often used the inner conflicts of the former colonies to their own benefit, and if they didn't see any, they would easily leave the country and the people to struggle on their own.

• Hotel Rwanda. If you are not very familiar with the history of the Rwandan genocide, you can get a classic war movie with some hiding and an everday hero. If you are vaguely familiar with the story, or have read the memoirs of Roméo Dallaire (the force commander of the UN peacekeepers during the genocide), you may have an idea of what you're going to see, although it doesn't try to fully describe the bloodbath. It couldn't, but it's not the purpose either. And if you have been to Kigali, the capital of Rwanda, you may find this movie disturbingly realistic, because even thought the streetview has changed in the past 20 years, some details can be still recognized, and the Hotel des Mille Collines still stands and operates where it used to in 1994; with expats sitting by its pool, drinking their cocktails, looking down on the valley, the country of the thousand hills.

And of course there is always The Lion King, we're watching that next Tuesday. There will be banana bread. Maybe apfelstrudel - come by! ;)

Top of the mountain, bottom of the pyramid

Seven days on the Kilimanjaro

I'd been preparing for it for months, but the closer I got to departure date, the more it felt like an unbelievable and truly mad idea to climb Africa's highest peak, the highest free-standing mountain in the world, the Kilimanjaro. To try climb it, at least. I was intimated, as it is expected when facing something unknown, respectable. I went for it nevertheless.

Day -2.

4 am: baaaah.... It may not have been a good idea to order dinner from the Indian. I present all symptoms of a proper food poisoning. And I have to get into a car this afternoon, and then on a sequence of planes. It will be fun.

6 pm: ok, I may actually make it. I drank about 2 liters of re-hydration solution today, combined with ginger tea, I took all pills the clinic could give me, and haven't eaten since last night. Ready for a Kigali-Bujumbura-Nairobi-Kilimanjrao trip. ETA 09:00 tomorrow.

Day -1: food poisoning is all gone, but I've been wearing this dress for the last 30 hours, and it's nice and hot in Tanzania. And I can't find the container for my contact lenses. At least there is a bunch of cute Spanish boys in this hotel; they've just gotten off the mountain and now they enjoy life. They don't even seem exhausted. Maybe there is hope?

Day 0. Problem of the contact lenses solved, I found some sort of a container. Spanish cuties tried to get me worried by saying things like „freeze”, but I'll worry about that when I get there. Right now I'm busy with the email I received five minutes ago, for a job application, including a link to an online test that I have to send back within 24 hours. Good thing we're only leaving tomorrow, and I think I've even seen a desktop computer in the lobby.

Later: The desktop computer had slower internet than we did back in the old dial-up days, but I finished the test nonetheless. From tomorrow on, it's really climbing only. I even got ski pants, when it goes below zero, or when I go beyond 5000.

Day 1.: I have to admit, I have a drinking problem. Mainly because I managed to fix the pipe of my camelback in a way that blocks the flow of water. Maybe this mountain is too complicated for me? It started so well though! At the Machame gate the ranger greeted us in Hungarian, and we had enough time to observe and evaluate our fellow hikers. There is a superfit GI Joe, two Dutch girls, one Australian, a bunch of guys seemingly from an office, and one who looks like an accountant even in his mountain gear. Today we only walked in rainforest, which always makes me feel like I'm in some science fiction with dinosaurs and stuff.

Day 2. : So, that weird tummy discomfort that is supposed to be the warning sign of all altitude problems? I have it. I can barely look at the breakfast (porridge, scrambled eggs, sausages, fruits), but the guide stands by the table until I finish it all. He would make an excellent grandmother, he keeps chanting „eat more”. On this part of the trek one can still find toilet „huts”, otherwise it's the endless jungle to serve as bathroom. As long as the jungle lasts, that is. The further we get the smaller the trees are, and by the end of the day they are replaced by bush and rocks.

I'd never wondered before how it must feel to walk on rocks scattered all over the place for hours, but now I know. Pretty annoying. Especially when it starts raining, the cloud descends, I can't see further than 5 meters, the rocks are slippery, my hands are cold. The GI Joe of course doesn't even raise an eyebrow facing all this, and the Australian girl must be simply crazy, I have only seen her skipping, at an altitude when some start having problems breathing.

Day 3. : If I don't even notice that my nose is half frozen by the morning and that I have bruises all over, despite the nice mattress, then it means I'm adapting my needs to the possibilities provided by the environment? Or descending in Maslow's pyramid (while ascending on the mountain) is really marked by the fact that I don't even mind doing my thing in the bush or among the rocks?

I was told this will be a long day, but I lost all sense of time. The cloud comes, the cloud goes, we get rained at, hailed at, the Shira plateau doesn't seem to end, and when it does, it becomes a mysterious moonland. Not that I've ever been on the Moon, but it sure looks like this. Too bad my steps aren't as light as they would be up there. Today's highest point is at 4600 meters above sea level, from then on it's downhill – on slippery rocks, for a change. We get to the Barranco-camp exhausted, soaked, cranky, but after dinner the sky clears out and we get to see the peak. Quite a treat. We have a little debate with our cook, who is concerned that we don't eat and drink enough („First day, no milk. Two day, no milk. Why no milk?”), and our guide who is worried about me being too quiet. Maybe he's comparing me to the Australian chick, she came down the hillside jumping around to freestyle rap. I just hope the accountant got here too, he seemed to have a lot of struggle when I last saw him.

Day 4: We couldn't see it last night, but the Barranco-wall, today's first (and main) challenge is right at the end of the camp. It looks completely vertical, but they say it isn't. But then again, they also say summit day won't be terribly hard, and that the night wasn't too cold, and still, I look like a Michelin-doll every night now, as I try to put on all my clothes. I put some chocolate powder on my porridge to please the cook, and while lining up at the loo I learn that I'm not the only one who has to go there a lot. (Yes, I got to the point when discussing this with shivering strangers who haven't showered in 4 days is completely normal. One more floor lower chez Maslow.)

Up on the wall we are like little spidermen, in a single file, slow and patient. We only stop when we can't breathe anymore, or when we have to let a group of porters pass. It's unbelievable what these boys and girls are capable of. They put a full kitchen on their heads, and then climb over the wall, uphill, downhill, while I'm trying to decide whether inhale-exhale or left-right should be more important. (And by the way, whoever says the Kilimanjaro is an easy hike because there is no technical climbing, should reconsider the concept of easy. Danke schön.) Our GI Joe friend of course completes the wall without a blink of an eye, and the Aussie girl loudly cheers for everybody. We need it, as well as the spontaneous party on top of the wall (at 4400 meters. I have no idea who brought speakers, I don't even have a hairbrush.)

Day 5: I'm starting to slowly accept, because I couldn't deny for much longer, that we're getting really, really close to the hardest part of the trip. I fell asleep with a little shortness of breath, and put on all my clothes except for the ski pants. I was cold nonetheless. In the morning I shove the porridge in my mouth without any conviction, and don't even mention that I noticed the increasing number of sausages per person served. I think twice before venturing out to the bathroom. It is very far. And seems to be put on the edge of the cliff. The peak peeks out from the clouds time and again, maybe as a motivation, but I sense a little teasing in there too. Far away, so close.

No choice left, we have to go. While walking, I don't actually feel any pain. I follow my guide as a little donkey, and if I have to catch my breath when I stop for a drink, it's not only because of the altitude. When I take the time to look around, it strikes me how beautiful, how wild, how different it all is. If I had the energy to think, I would note that it's also very divers: since the Machame we've seen jungle, evergreen, alpine desert, moonland, volcanic ash. And definitely more than enough rocks. Next time I see a bigger stone it'd better be in my engagement ring.

We get to base camp early afternoon. It's very cold. Since we start the summit climb at midnight, we should try to rest the afternoon. It doesn't even occur to me to get changed. One, I am already wearing everything I have, and two, to perform a baby wipe-supported self-cleaning, I would have to get undressed. Again, the higher we go on the mountain, the lower we get in that pyramid of needs. Our guide gives a short briefing and asks how we are. How could we possibly be? I am very, very excited now. Nervous. Up until now everything was going just fine – considering of course that we've been going up a mountain for five days - , but now I feel like all my faith is slipping away and I don't understand why am I even here. So I eat some mango, at least the cook will be pleased.

Day 6: The days are blurring together. I'm woken up before midnight, I am completely confused, my heart beats like crazy, I don't understand anything. I'm pretty useless in the morning in general, and this, in the middle of the night, being dragged out of my tent, just makes it much worse. Except for the below zero temperature, the weather is gorgeous. The sky is clear, it's almost full moon, the stars are bright, and yes, the intimidating, snowy Kilimanjaro is right there, in all her majesty. It's almost scary. But I have no time to reflect on the deep beauty of nature, we have to leave. Our fellow madmen are strolling in front and behind us, in a single file again, with their headlamps shining like an army of fireflies.

I start losing all marbles around 4 in the morning. I'm exhausted beyond measure, I can't decide whether I should eat some chocolate, or throw up rather, or sleep, or cry, or I don't know. I suddenly recall that I brought some music, and for a while I'm pushed forward by The Killers, Florence, Mika and Milow. But then I'm just sitting on some rock, munching on dried pineapples, and even The Kooks can't cheer me up anymore. I lie when I answer “mzuri sana” to those who pass by (meaning “very good”, the usual Swahili answer to “how are you”), but in reality I have no idea how to go on. Or what for.

Then the sun comes up. It's always like this in this part of the world: sudden, unexpected and short. The clouds become pink, then orange, the Mawenzi peak emerges, and that's it: it's morning. Which makes me feel like there is hope in the world again. It doesn't make me move any faster though, and I get more and more hopeless by every minute, seeing how far we still are.

Three hours later, around 9 in the morning I finally get to the Uhuru-peak. I'm not sure what makes me happier: that the sun is out and I can take off my gloves, that my phone didn't freeze and I can document the achievement, that I can sit down a little, or that from now on I only have to go downhill. Maybe all of the above. And the fact that tomorrow afternoon I can finally take a shower, and will sleep in a a real bed. And won't need to drink from the camelback. Moving upwards in the pyramid.

In the afternoon it snows a little in the base camp, and then we start the descent. By the evening the landscape starts to look like it may be inhabited by humans. Below 3000 meters one can even see actual trees! The Aussie girl turns out to be Canadian, and the Dutchies want to wash their hair as much as I want to wash mine. In general, everybody is relieved and very proud.

Day 7: We made it! I thought it would be easy downhill, I could breathe and everything, but instead now I have two hurting knees, three blisters and, for the first time in a week, proper sore muscles. And a picture with the Hungarian flag and the certificate stating that I did actually climb this mountain, and I start to believe it too.

In the bus, on the way to Arusha the radio is on full blast (as anywhere, any time, in Tanzania), but it doesn't bother me now. I don't even mind that it's the Westlife cover of ABBA's I have a dream, I sing with them.

Day 14.: On the way to Nairobi, after take-off, the pilot says we should have our cameras ready. We are lucky, the weather is clear, and we can have an aerial view over the Kilimanjaro. She's majestic. But I'm no longer afraid. After all, we have a history.

iNeed

I've probably said this before, because it's true: this (=living/working here) is the most selfish thing I've done in recent human history.

As a person I accept and admit it, but I've come to thinking lately whether “we” as a group are self-centered. It's hard to tell if it's me only, or I hang out with people who are similar to me in this regard, but sometimes I notice that I use this life, one I chose, and the conditions of it, as an excuse to make it all about myself.

As if living here - and the more time I spend here the more I know it's actually quite nice, as far as peacekeeping missions and humanitarian life go – would justify wanting all the fancy comfortable things my superficial self probably always would want. I need to go on holidays, I need to stay in a nice hotel with a pool, I need a drink (or five), I need to party it out, I need to be by myself, I need to get laid, I need to eat sushi, I need a massage, I need to binge-watch ER, I need to be in pyjamas all day.

But do I, really?

Clearly, most of the above are rather cases of “want” than they really are of “need”. Of course everybody would want that. And in all fairness, I would not pretend I don't want them in the other life either, I would get what I can, and I would say, if ever questioned (mainly by my own not-so-superficial self): “because I can”.

But the difference is, here I don't have to justify. I dramatically say “I need a pool, a book, and two days of not talking to anybody”, and it's okay. Some may ask how long it's been since my last holidays, or if it's been busy at work, but no further explanation is required.

And I'm not talking about traumatising experiences I need to recover from. I'm probably the only person who never ever leaves the office, and if I don't read or listen to the news, I can be perfectly ignorant in my little bubble of work-home-party-recover-repeat routine. This may as well be a post-war conflict zone, but I can reduce my troubles to “we're out of tonic” and “which part of 'please follow the attached instructions' did you not understand”. Yes, my hair is mess, even more so in the dry season, and I haven't been able to wear contact lenses for the past three days, but if I think about those objectively, I know they are annoyances but not major stress factors.

On the other hand, I've lived in a very safe, comfortable, rich, middle-class posh environment, where hair was healthy and electricity was permanent and yet, I have seen a little too many burnouts. Although I'm working on overcoming it, I think I still live by the rule that until I cry every day, or feel the urge to, it's not stress. It may be a little too much work and not enough sleep, but oh it's not stress. It's just life.

It would have sounded ridiculous and would have resulted in a few frowns in the other life if I pulled a dramatic “I need to get out of here” just as I do nowadays. Why would you need a break from your perfectly channeled routine life? Why would you acknowledge that sometimes your work gets on your nerves or simply exhausts you and all you need is a pool, a book, and two days of not talking to anybody? (Oh wait, have I said this before?) Why would you admit that something is missing, and especially, why would you admit that you're trying to substitute it with the closest thing available?

In that regard, it's actually not that bad to put ourselves first so often. It's a different way and level of awareness of our own needs, just as the awareness and sense of risk and danger is different here. You need to know when you need to get out, and I've always tried to train(? convince?) the people I work with to pay attention to when that point comes, because nobody is going to tell them they look like they need a break (I sometimes greet people with a friendly “you look awful”, but that's just my caring personality). At least, between the volcano and the lake, you are permanently monitoring your own needs. And voicing them.

On that note, I'm gonna get some cheese nans. I love my cheese nans.  

Mohamed and the mountain

So I came down the mountain, right? Dirty and with blisters and all that jazz. But that means that I first went up the mountain! I yet have to understand why... probably to find out whether I am a closet mountain person. Well, I am certainly not. Even though I love watching them (mountains, in general. Occasionally mountain people too.), there is admiration and some weird longing in there, wanting to be there, but then when I'm there, I constantly expect the Spirit of the Mountain to come tell me that they know I don't belong there, and I can try this hiking routine as much as I please, but let's set the record straight, I will always be an outsider.

Nevertheless, this is my first time over 4000 meters, so this is where you say yay! I didn't throw up, I wasn't too dizzy, and I only wanted to cry once, out of sheer frustration.

The Mountain is by the way called Karisimbi, which in the local language (kinyarwanda) means little white shell, apparently because it often has a white cap. The internet tells me the cap isn't necessarily of snow, but often hail or other frozen things. I had the honour of encountering those, and I was not particularly thrilled.

Those of you who have already noticed that I have been linking half of Wikipedia here probably ave already read up on climate, flora and fauna. For the others I can tell that I had not seen a proper jungle before. But now. Picture will follow to show that it is indeed thick and green and lush with a whole bunch of plants or trees or, well, vegetation that is entirely unknown to me. Any time I stopped to catch my breath or to have a slice of cold pizza, I was looking around in awe, thinking wow. The first day of the hike is rather friendly, there are not too many very steep parts so there is time and space for looking around. The famous mountain gorillas also live in the neighbourhood but they didn't come around when we were on the path. I think they usually do though, we have experienced some gorilla poo (some visually, some in a more tactile way).

The second day on the other hand (overnight camp is at 3600) is a lot less user-friendly in the difficulty department. But the forest goes completely wild and my idea of a jungle is now forever changed. I had to stop a lot more to breath, and I spent most of those breaks staring at my surroundings.

Unfortunately we had a lovely and loyal cloud following us all the way. First it just added to the mystical feeling of it all, but at some point it started bothering me that here I am up at 4000 and can't see the neighbouring mountains or anything in general, while everybody was telling me how gorgeous the view is. Oh, and it gets quite humide inside a cloud.

The higher you go the less vegetation you see, but the wind gets stronger, and that, together with the humide cloud quickly decreases the comfort level of the naiv hiker. Me. And they also increase their disappointment level – there came a point when even I had to accept that this cloud is not going anywhere and the most I'm going to see is the volcanic ash/dust under my feet. That made me a tad bit cranky, my face was freezing, 4500 was approaching, meaning the air was getting thinner but tthe cloud was getting thicker. I think I mentioned a few times that I really don't give a damn about what's up there, I'm sure it's not any different from what I already can't see where I am, but the evil wind is certainly stronger, I've had it. By then I'd been through all kinds of plants and mud up to my ankles at times; I was neither particularly patient nor ver nice.

At the end of course I kicked myself up there, the last push was when those coming down told me there is a hut where I can warm up for a few minutes. And to take pictures like the below, for documentation purposes.

(I also have a summit-selfie taken in the hut, but I keep it for the moments of doubt when I need to remind myself just how I felt there. It's not a recommended sight for the weak at heart anyway.)

Then at the border I met half the town and got dragged back to daily life and my flatmate ony called my Robocop for two days.

Birds flying high

So we came down the mountain, me, my dirty little body and my thirteen blisters, and all I wanted was a shower, but immediately, and then there was a whole bunch of people at the border (it was Sunday of a long weekend, everybody was heading home), and half of them started saying hello and being impressed that I actually have a face and not only an email address, and then there was a girl who had troubles with her visa/ID and would have needed my help and didn't quite notice that I was off duty, and my boss didn't answer his phone, and so I was not much of a help for the girl, five minutes before border closing, when I didn't even have my house keys with me, and of course the line on the congolese side was slower than a dead snail, but at least they didn't bother me with the usual „which country is this passport from” type of questions, and I had a bit of a headache and my knees hurt quite a bit and my face was burning from the wind, but.

But there and then it suddenly felt good. That yep, this is the way it usually is, and yeah, I probably look like garbage, but I will soon have a shower and will look better tomorrow (although I will move like a rusty robot), and it's absolutely normal in this life that on the Sunday of the long weekend we stand in line on the border, and on Monday we will discuss who did what, like we used to in the dorm, where „are you going home this weekend” would replace most sorts of hello.

And then I have two new colleagues (yeiiii), and other new faces, and at times I get questions I actually know the answer to, and in general, in a sneaky and unnoticed way the moment came, when there are things that I know better, or at least I've been trying to understand longer. I've asked many people many times, and nobody could really tell me, when do they stop feeling like complete aliens; now I think I maybe understand why. Because we are always very much aliens, but there are moments of clarity when we, or I, feel that I almost know what I'm doing and why, and for the rest of the time I practice being and alien, and I have actually gained quite some experience in doing so.

And then there is the dry season, so it may or may not rain once a week for a bit, and then suddenly colours and lights and smells just get out of control and shout in your face „life! Air! Nature!” and then Kata beholds that it is very good.

(I'll tell you about the mountain later. It deserves its own post.)

You're afraid of _leaving_ a war zone?

First of all, Dave, it's not a war zone. I prefer defining it as a post-war conflict zone, but previous disclaimers on the accuracy of my statements (not to mention political correctness) still apply. These are personal impressions and they don't try to look like well-researched, knowledge-based, undisputable truths.

Second, afraid is probably too strong a word. But yes, the idea of leaving this place does make me a bit squeaky. Nervous, if you like.

Some of it obviously has to do with the going away, leaving behind, starting over aspect of it – I've been whining and wondering and reflecting on it more than enough. That part is not necessarily specific to those leaving a place like this, it's just the nature of coping with leaving in general.

But RRX (Repatriation and Reintegration of eXpats, credits for the term go to Alex) is a complicated matter. Or so I think; I actually never had to do it. But I know why the thought is scary.

Besides the obvious emotional ties that one either has to cut off, redefine or ignore, going back to the real world is an unsettling concept, because... because summertime and the livin' is easy.

I know it sounds blantantly ignorant and superficial, but come try live in a place where it's 24 degrees all year long with a cool breeze most of the time, and then tell me you didn't like it. 24 when everybody is freezing their body parts off, and 24 when everbody's brain is melting away during the dog days. You can't help but think you're constantly on holidays. Downside of the great weather: you lose the concept and control of time. You're in a time warp.

And then you're also in a bubble. Because, weather aside, this is a very easy life! Your limitations in movement, choice, people, can be such a blessing. All you have to do is go to work. You don't have to do any housework, you don't even need to cook if you don't want to, you don't need to be bothered with things like having your car washed or fueled, in principle everything is provided for. Or, as you soon find out, there is a way to have it provided. Grown-up concerns like buying a fridge or choosing an insurance are so, so far away. Even if you have an actual (grown-up) life back in the real world, you're not there to deal with it. You're not there when the fridge is delivered, you're not there when the car needs to be inspected. Somebody is filling in for you.

Remains your free time then. That is, if you have any. If you don't want to, you can just work 7 days a week – I'm sure there is always more to do, and in fact many work through the weekends, regularly. I've seen many people being really passionate about what they do – I'm fascinated by their passion, and most of the time also by their work, but again, I'm easily amazed by people who are experts in something I have absolutely no clue about. Knowledge, my friends, is impressive. Passion and dedication are downright hot.

So if you work a lot, you don't ever have to bother with social obligations. You work, you order in (even your food choices are made easy: either indian, lebanese, or a pizza. Then repeat.), go to sleep. Wake up, eat, have coffee, no need to spend much time on deciding what to wear because your wardrobe choices are also limited, and go to work. Repeat until R&R. You don't need to interact with people more than your job absolutely requires it. You will be labelled as just another workaholic and left in peace at that.

But let's say you have free time. You can choose to make it all your own, to be antisocial. You can read and study and work out and not talk to anybody for two days. Nobody would notice. And if they will, they will just acknowledge it as your weirdo thing. (Everybody has a weirdo thing. If you're not a weirdo, I don't know what you're doing here. Maybe you're weirdo thing is that you're normal. That's creepy.)

But ok, you're weirdo in a different way and actually like being around people. Breaking news: it's super easy! Your choices are – surprise – limited, but that's why it's so easy. You will bump into the same people over and over again, and you assess them quickly, as they assess you. If you don't like somebody, you don't need to try or pretend; social obligations are different here. Those whose company you actually enjoy, well, you hang out with them. Tadaa! Soon you will have a group of people you just call „the usual bunch” but you actually mean „comfort zone”, and you never have to enter a room, a bar, a party without knowing that your people will be there. What is very comforting about this is that you will have your designated place in that usual bunch, and although you may think you don't like it, like I was trying to fight the foster parent role for a while, it actually does feel very reassuring to have a place. To have defined who you are, even if in a very specific context.

So that's the easy life of a soon-to-be-repatriated expat. I think by definition all of us should be categorized as soon-to-be-repatriated. Because soon, we will leave.

And that's when the RRX programme comes in handy (or would, if it actually existed). Why?

Because, to sum it up, you're throwing back the poor expat to an environment where they have to pay taxes (and figure out how), have a flat of their own and take care of it, either go through the troubles of getting their own car, or get used to public transport again, having the overwhelming choices of more than 3 restaurants, supermarkets to buy their own groceries, God forbid a kitchen of their own with functioning devices, 30+ TV channels and endless possibilities of entertainment in their free time, freedom to move around short and long distance; where the cars parked outside the bakery don't reveal who is inside as they used to, where walking into a bar or a party means a whole bunch of unknown faces, where the statement „I live across from the church” doesn't trigger the answer „ah, next to the Argentinian house!” as it used to, and where they have to make their choices again. Not only in terms of toilet paper, but also in terms of people. They have to assess and evaluate every new person in every situation, because the possibilities are pretty much endless.

No wonder the poor expat soon feels they have to reassess and re-evaluate themselves and their place in this new reality. And that is unnerving, because all their points of references have been shifted. Not only do they wonder who they are, but also where, why, how.

So, dear audience, be patient with your Repatriated eXpat. They are nice people, but need recovery time.

Because your friendly neighbourhood expat can live in a place like this

Picture time!

Because I was asked on several occasions why I don't take or post more pictures. The reason to that is that I don't feel like a tourist (now what I do feel like is a whole different question), and usually we don't take pictures of our everyday life that much. But at the same time I had to admit to myself that I do wish that all of you knew more about this region (even though I don't think I can be much of a help there, I basically know nothing of anything. I'm a Jon Snow, big time.), and the easiest way to raise interest is probably showing pictures.

So there you go, parts of my way back and my first week:

Kigali, when I woke up and looked out my hotel room

Kigali, on the way from the hotel

On the road, somewhere in Rwanda

The Nyiragongo volcano, still from the Rwanda side

My workplace, in a mildly tacky sunset. Behind the bamboo walls hide the toilets

Workplace, different angle. The building on the left is my office.

Lake Kivu, hotel, sun, palm trees.