Ultimately, we're a bunch of emotional superheros

I had to say goodbye to four people today only. And to a few others in the past weeks. Not the "I'm driving you to the airport, or worse, dropping you off at the border" type of goodbye, but the "I'm going on holidays and by the time I come back you won't be here" kind, which is pretends to be a little easier because it allows denial about the fact that it's indeed a goodbye.

I know that Christian would ask, before I could even make a sad face, "But Kata, what did you expect?", and that Anders would tell me that "people come and go". Except that I explained to both of them several times that I am fully aware of life being just like this, and I didn't expect anything else, so they wouldn't actually have to say any of it. 

This time around I'm actually on a positive note: I'm happy for having met them, and quite excited about seeing them again in a probably confusingly first-world setup. Or in a familiar mission environment; one never knows.

However, the beauty of the experience together, and the perspective of a next one doesn't make the actual departure day much easier. It's like staying up all night talking with your flatmates about life and love and David Bowie and belly dancing and tattoos and friendships that fade away and second chances and adoption, and then having to go to work the next day. Was it a great night? Oh yes it was. Do you feel like a zombie? Oh yes you do. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Does it make you feel any less of a zombie? Not really. Would you do it again? Without a shadow of a doubt. Knowing full well that it would leave you feel like a zombie for a while. 

Couple of naps/weeks later you will still remember how comfortable, deeply connected, blessed and grateful you felt for having somebody listen to your often ridiculous relationship drama and highly inconsistent political views, whereas the zombie day will seem  a proof of your inner strength - see, I could go through a day without sleep! 

This is how goodbyes should feel. I'm damn lucky for the days they were around, and I'm a total badass for getting through the day they left.